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| Got myself a job at the Jewish Museum in Vienna--going to be across the pond all summer. YAY!
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| Posting for Margarita's benefit. Hello, hon!
Life is better. Really busy, but better. Extremely happy with this semi-single state, as well as all the trappings of having social lives both at home and at school for once. It's been amazing seeing all these people the last few days, and I hope we all start keeping in touch again. Feeling very, very loved right now.
Also, for the first time within recent memory, missing many aspects of Princeton, and wishing I could bring Charter (or at least a significant number of its members) to Rockville. College rocks, when it's not beating me into the ground, and the last seven weeks have made me--finally--confident that I made the right choice three years ago.
Merry Christmas, happy Chanukah, joyous solstice, happy birthday to you December-borns, and a very happy and healthy 2007 to all--thank you for everything.
For my benefit, or why winter break is a living hell from here on out, and why I'm glad I've gone out so often, because I won't see daylight until Dean's Date:
~SOC drafts (3/4 done): tomorrow
~JP (4000 words, turned in!!!!): Jan. 9
~SOC website (drafts in): Jan. 12
~NES 416 paper (20-25 pp, Austrian military lit + nationalism, outlined!, 19 pp down, Die Waffen Nieder read and notated, Deak notes, Schnitzler notes): Jan 16
~GER 209 paper (6-8 pp, 6 down): Jan 21
~GER 324 rewrite (in a last-ditch attempt not to kill my departmental GPA, 7/7 pp done, all over but the final edits): Jan 16
~SOC paper (8 pp, 2 pp down, wrap-up from project): Jan 21
~GER 324 paper (8-10 pp, auf Englisch!, 9.5 pp down): Jan 21
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| Somewhere in here I turned into a single woman who swears like a sailor, drinks with the best of 'em, hangs out with all manner of folk at all hours of the night, and bellydances with reckless abandon.
Okay, so maybe it's really just flavoring my speech with choice words when incensed, sauntering up to an open bar to order a Sex on the Beach at Quad or knocking back something sweet and girly on pub night, and watching movies with Nick or hanging out with April until the wee small hours of the morning on the weekends.
But I wasn't joking about the bellydancing.
And even with those little bits of changes in reservation, I feel a far sight more confident than I ever have before, which makes it easier to deal with not having Dylan to hide behind. Not that I really want to hide behind anyone anymore.
And the best part? I'm starting to like myself again.
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| For all intents and purposes, and probably by this time next week, Dylan and I are no longer together.
We're giving it a week apart to try and see if we can make it work, one more time, but once you stay up all night talking to another girl, with whom you're already spending all of your time, when you can't make time to see or make conversation with your girlfriend, you've gotta ask yourself if your relationship is still worth it.
God, it hurts. I'm grieving over the loss of something beautiful, which hasn't really been around for more than a week at a time in over six months, but something I still miss, still wish we could get back, don't want him to share with someone else.
Is she going to be his new "Princess"? Will he drag her through the mud of his emotional fickleness, too? Or will he--we--take some time to be alone and enjoy Princeton as single people, something neither of us has really done, and just figure out who we are?
Maybe we'll decide it was meant to be, somewhere down the road, that we really can't live without each other, that the promises/lies he told me about needing me forever really are true after all.
Until then, I have to be me. I have to heal and move on. I still love him, and he says he still loves me, and we still kissed each other goodbye. But we just can't be together. For whatever reason, he just doesn't want me anymore.
But he loves me.
And I him.
Why does it have to hurt so much to watch my knight in shining armor ride off into the sunset without his princess--or with a new one--by his side?
Why does he have to ride off at all?
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| A year and a half in. I left a message on the cell phone sitting (probably) in his bedroom in Chappaqua--then a few hours later he called me from a pay phone in the center of his small town in France, giddy with the possibility of hearing my voice and telling me he missed me on this most special of days.
This time last year he was here. Right on the other side of that wall. Actually, this time last year we were probably still downstairs talking, curled up with each other on the sofa that's no longer there, with the sweet cat now buried in the side yard sitting behind us. The last year's had its ups and downs for us--and sadly, probably more downs than ups--but here we are, nonetheless, two young lovers with eighteen months and ten hours behind us and two pairs of eyes pointed at the future, and even knowing that the next time I hear from him I'll (hopefully) be standing with his mom at the international arrivals gate at Kennedy in three and a half weeks, that he's four thousand miles away without any more hope for even a brief hello after tonight, my heart is overflowing with joy.
I love you, my knight in shining armor. Here's to what's been--here's to what's to come.
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